Previously In… Marvel’s Ancient Egyptian Superhero Jamboree!

Remember when that guy did that thing? Then the bad guy with the moustache blew up that place? No? PoP! does, and we’re here to tell you what happened Previously In…

Fantastic Four #19

The Setting: Avengers Mansion

The Time: Shortly after the collapse of Norman Osborn’s “Dark Reign”

The Players: The Thing, Hawkeye, Dr. Strange and Cyclops

The Game: Poker, of course

Hawkeye: Why are we playing here? It’s your turn to host, Ben.

Thing: Yup. And since my main man Luke Cage offered me a spot here, I might as well take him up on it. ‘Sides, this way the kids won’t interrupt us again.

Strange: You don’t really call him “my main man,” do you?

Cyclops: Not to his face, I’ll bet.

Thing: Keep it up, Bright-Eyes, and I’ll be sorry I asked you to fill in for yer hairy pal.

Strange: Where is Logan, Scott?

Cyclops: Who knows? The Savage Land? Madripoor? Outer space? I stopped asking that question years ago.

Thing: Wherever he is, I feel sorry for the locals. Hey, I ever tell you fellas ’bout the time we went to ancient Egypt?

Hawkeye: Not really, but about that —

Thing: Then yer in for a treat. You see, Strecho found these hieroglyphics that said the ancient Egyptians had a cure for blindness. So we borrowed Dr. Doom’s time machine to head back there to find it for my gal-pal Alicia. When we got there, all of a sudden we started gettin’ real weak. We got captured and taken to the pharaoh, who turned out to be the time-traveling Rama-Tut, aka Kang, conqueror from the future.

Hawkeye: We all know Kang. Heck, we just kicked his purple butt again.

Thing: Well, anyways, he’d zapped us good with one of his doohickeys that sapped our will and put us under his command. He made Reed a lookout for his army, kept Susie for his queen, turned Matchstick into a jester and sent me off with the galley slaves. Can you imagine me, the idol o’ millions, helping row a ship? Then, outta nowhere, I changed back to my human form. As good old Ben Grimm I was free, so I hightailed it back to the palace, stole Rama’s framastat and rescued the others. Tut ran off into the future and we went home, but the herbs we brought back didn’t work so we couldn’t cure Alicia. What’s so doggone funny, Doc?

Doctor Strange #53

Strange: Benjamin, do you really think it was just random happenstance you reverted back to your natural form?

Thing: Guess I never really thought about it too hard.

Hawkeye: What a shock.

Strange: That was my doing, my friend. You see, I was there too.

Thing: Get outta town!

Strange: It’s true. I had traveled back in time for my own reasons and saw you and your comrades captured while in my astral form. I didn’t want to save you too obviously, because at this point in your lives, we hadn’t met yet, while for me you were old friends.

Thing: I feel a headache comin’ on.

Strange: It was quite simple. While my body was captured by Rama-Tut’s robots, my astral form changed you back and guided you to the palace to free your teammates. After I completed my own quest, I returned home with no one the wiser.

Hawkeye: Not quite no one, Doc. Me and the West Coast Avengers saw you there.

Thing: Fer the love of Petunia! You were there too?

West Coast Avengers #22

Hawkeye: Yeah, like I tried to say before. Me, Mockingbird, Iron Man, Tigra and Wonder Man had been thrown back in time by Kang. Bobbie got stranded when we landed in the Old West, but the rest of us were sent even farther back to Egypt. I wanted to help you guys, but Shellhead said you were from an earlier time and was against it. We did it anyway, seeing as how we were kinda stuck and needed a ride home.

Strange: Fascinating.

Hawkeye: You bet your cape it was. Didn’t work out though. I mean, yeah, we helped save the FF and your body, Doc, but we missed both of you and Rama leaving, so we were stranded. Luckily, brilliant  old me came up with a plan to contact Moon Knight. You guys know him, right?

Strange: Yes.

Cyclops: In passing.

Thing: I saw him at Temple a few weeks back. Odd guy.

Hawkeye: Yeah, but reliable. He got the message, went to Hank Pym, and the two of them and Flamebird came to rescue us.

Cyclops: That’s amazing. You’ll never believe this, but —

Thing: Don’t tell me. You an’ your X-Men were there too.

Cyclops: No, but I know someone who was: Apocalypse.

Thing: That big blue guy?

Hawkeye: We just settled his hash, too. At least, I guess it was him. Alternate timeline or something.

Thing: What wuz he doin’ there?

The Rise of Apocalypse #1

Cyclops: That’s where and when he’s from. Some believed that he’d grow strong enough to overthrow Rama-Tut, so the pharaoh was hunting for him. He was there during all of this. He was the one who destroyed Rama’s machines inside the Sphinx.

Hawkeye: And just how do you know all this?

Cyclops: Eh, a few years ago I sacrificed myself to merge with Apocalypse and I had access to his memories. Then we died for a little while. It wasn’t fun.

Thing: Now I know you’re just messin’ with me.

Cyclops: Please. Who at this table hasn’t died at least once?

Thing: Touché. Still, it seem weird to any of you that we’re all here together tonight and ended up talking about this?

Hawkeye: Nah, I figure Stephen is behind it.

Strange: Clint, you wound me. Do you really think I’d use my mystical powers to covertly gather us here together in order to talk about a shared ordeal and establish bonds of trust?

Killpower: The Early Years #1

Hawkeye: Bingo.

Strange: You’re more clever than people give you credit for. Indeed I did. It’s just a shame I couldn’t locate the genetically engineered European hero Killpower, who also encountered Rama-Tut during that time period.

Thing: So you’re the reason I felt inclined to invite Four-Eyes tonight. Did you get rid of Shorty, too?

Strange: No, I merely took advantage of one of Logan’s many absences. Now Scott, I believe it’s your turn to deal.

Cyclops: Can do. Jacks are wild, everyone.

Thing: Get ready to get clobbered.

Hawkeye: Who the %$#@ is Killpower?

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Who ARE these people!?

As one of the co-founders of Panels on Pages, Robert Eddleman will happily read any comic that catches his interest, regardless of publisher. Aside from comics and PoP!, his other passions include worshipping Joss Whedon, getting lost in TV Tropes, and watching muscled men hit each other with folding chairs.

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  1. Juan Davila says:

    This was interesting and I kind of enjoyed this, I would like to see you do more of these.

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