PoP! Top 6-Pack: Other Board Game Movies

The PoP! Stars narrow it down to the cream of the crop in categories ranging from (but not limited to) Comics, Movies, Toys and Geek Culture in general. This is the PoP! Top 6-Pack.

This year could have been a turning point in cinematic history: this could have been the year in which summer blockbusters based on our favorite board games became the newest Hollywood trend. Unfortunately, with Battleship challenging John Carter for most disappointing performance of the year, it seems that my dreams of a Kerplunkernauts movie will have to wait.

But…what if domestic audiences HADN’T spent all their money on The Avengers, forcing them to treat Battleship like it was a movie about a board game that isn’t even fun to play? Somewhere, in an alternate universe, I like to think that not only is Rhianna the new Angelina Jolie, but that Hollywood is also preparing at least three of these adaptations…

Operation

Mob doctor Ryan Reynolds thinks that he’s handled his last illicit repair job for criminal boss James Gandolfini, but after a heist gone wrong Reynolds finds himself with the wounded son of the mob boss in his home…and a growing number of cops outside. Can he get all the shrapnel out before SWAT takes them out? Don’t touch the sides.

Guess Who?

Last summer’s breakout star, Rihinna, stars in this terrifying tale of a woman who begins receiving spooky phone calls while home alone. As the intensity of the calls increases, the audience slowly loses interest, until she realizes the calls are coming from inside the house! Thrill in suspense as she runs away from her attacker – Guess Who? – mega superstar Chris Brown!

Mouse Trap

Okay, look, let’s cut to the chase. This movie will look cool, but it will just take forever to set up, you won’t really understand what’s going on, and then it will suddenly be over. This game sucked.

Mall Madness

Selena Gomez leads a collection of new young Hollywood whatshernames in a race against time to get all the items needed to win a scavenger hunt in the Mall of America. The prize? Front row tickets to see teen heart throb…..who’s a teen heart throb? Beiber? A Jonas? Those nice Hansen kids? One of them. In the mall with it all, can she win the prize before her nemesis, Lindsay Lohan’s sister, does?

Fireball Island

Star of G.I. Joe, The Rock leads a team of geological scientists on a study to the dreaded Fireball Island. Here, they encounter fireballs, collapsing bridges, betrayal, and other island stuff. With only five hours remaining, can The Rock get the dirt specimens he needs to cure cancer and make it back to the helicopter in time? Or will his ailing mother be left to die from the lung cancer she got while working at the plant the pay for his medical school? It’s a dimensional adventure of pitfalls and perils, coming this summer.

Crossfire

Gunshot noise! Explosion! Fire! Gunshot noise! Gunshot noise! Gunshot noise! Picture of Hugh Jackman! You’ll get caught up in the…Crossfire. Explosion!

Share

Filed Under: ColumnsPoP! Top 6-Pack

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Who ARE these people!?

Comments (10)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Denim says:

    I would watch the hell out of Mall Madness.

  2. Jason Knize says:

    This is grade-A Mahoney snark. I love it to pieces.

  3. D-Rock says:

    Brilliant!

  4. Juggalojohn says:

    you know all you have done is given them all these ideas for free dan…. and now this is going to get back to someone and these movies will be made.

  5. Dan Mahoney says:

    When that inevitably happens, knowing that you’re thinking about this article will be enough to make me happy

  6. Ben Gilbert says:

    Bop It! – Directed by Neveldine and Taylor, starring Jason Statham of course.

  7. I could see Fireball Island and Operation getting produced…

  8. Xopher TAF says:

    What? No Mr. Bucket the Movie? It could be a documentary-style movie about a crack addict lovingly nicknamed “Mr. Bucket” that does anything for money. But it would probably be NC-17 for all the balls in his mouth.

Leave a Reply